Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort
Discomfort is a universal signal. It tells us something needs attention — a boundary to be set, a truth to be faced, a change to be made.
In counselling, discomfort is not an enemy; it’s an informant.
One practical way to work with that signal is through Voice Dialogue, a method that helps people identify, talk with, and negotiate between the different “voices” or sub-personalities inside them. Voice Dialogue reframes discomfort and offers steps to build a trusting relationship with uneasy feelings so they can guide rather than derail you.
What is Voice Dialogue?
Voice Dialogue sees the mind as a collection of discrete voices — parts that hold particular feelings, beliefs, fears and needs. Examples include the Protector (keeps you safe), the Critic (points out flaws), the Pleaser (seeks approval), the Adventurer (wants novelty), the Inner Child (holds vulnerability), and the Executive (makes decisions). Each voice has its purpose and its material wisdom, but when one voice dominates, you lose clarity and flexibility.
From this perspective, discomfort often arises when two or more voices conflict (the Adventurer vs the Protector), when a voice is suppressed (the Inner Child feels unheard), or when an unintegrated voice is activated by a situation that echoes past wounds. The goal isn’t to eliminate discomfort but to become comfortable sitting with it long enough to understand which voices are present and what they need.
Why This Matters
Better decision-making: Discomfort often signals a value conflict. Listening to the voices helps you see the trade-offs instead of reacting reflexively.
Reduced anxiety: When discomfort is welcomed rather than battled, its intensity tends to fall. Resistance amplifies stress.
Greater self-leadership: You learn to make choices that honours multiple parts of yourself rather than ignoring some and over-relying on others.
Improved relationships: Awareness of your inner voices helps you spot when a particular part (e.g. the Pleaser or the Critic) drives your interactions with others.
A Step-by-Step Approach
Notice and name the discomfort. Begin by pausing and noticing where you feel discomfort — in your chest, throat, stomach, or as agitation in the mind. Name it. Even simple labels help: “This is anxiety,” “This is reluctance,” or “This is pressure.” Naming starts the separation between you (the observer) and the experience.
Ask who’s speaking Mentally ask, “Which part of me is talking right now?” Don’t force an answer. A single word or image may come up: “Protector,” “Perfectionist,” “Child.” If nothing obvious appears, describe the tone: “urgent,” “wary,” “pleading.” Treat this like a curiosity experiment, not a crisis.
Give that voice space Imagine allowing that voice a moment to speak without interruption. What does it want you to know? What is its concern or need? Often voices speak in shorthand — “Don’t risk it,” “Do it perfectly,” “Keep others happy.” Translate the shorthand into concrete meaning: safety, approval, control, affection.
Ask about the function and fear Check in: “What are you trying to protect me from?” and “What would happen if you weren’t doing this?” Voices usually enact a protective function. The Protector may say, “I keep you from harm,” while the Critic may say, “I prevent shame by pushing you to be better.” Understanding function softens blame and opens compassion.
Dialogue between voices. Create a conversation between the voices. For example, ask the Adventurer, “What would you like to try?” and ask the Protector, “What scares you about trying that?” Let each voice answer. This helps surface the real stakes and clarifies conditions under which the voices can co-operate.
Negotiate small experiments Rather than forcing a full-blown change, negotiate a tolerable experiment that honours concerns. The Protector might agree to a short, low-risk trial if safety measures are in place. The Pleaser might accept setting a boundary for a limited time and checking in after. Small steps build trust among voices and reduce the overwhelm that fuels discomfort.
Offer conscious leadership. Once voices are heard and negotiated with, the mindful leader in you — sometimes called the “Aware Ego” — can make an informed choice. This leadership isn’t about silencing other parts but about holding the bigger view: values, long-term goals, and the capacity to contain discomfort. Practice framing decisions from this place: “I hear you, Protector; I value safety. I also hear you, Adventurer; I value growth. I’ll try this small step with safeguards.”
